It’s funny the things that can make you laugh in even the most horrible of situations. And trust me, it doesn’t get much worse than the zombie apocalypse. So back during that first week, I was working on our renovations to the store and listening to my MP3 player. Thankfully, I always keep my MP3 player at work to keep me entertained during boring lunch hours.
I graduated high school in 1993 – Go Warriors! – so I still really enjoy the ‘90s rap songs. So up in my queue was Naughty by Nature’s “Ghetto Bastard” – which some of you remember as the radio edited version called “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright.” The story in the song is just freakin’ horrible about this kid who just lives in terrible circumstances but the chorus is a sample from this happy song that sings several times, “Everything’s gonna be alright.”
So I am dancing on the aisle while I am working and thinking to myself, “Everything’s gonna be alright.” Surrounded by the undead. Don’t even know what tomorrow will bring. But this song made me laugh as I thought the same thing Trech asks, “Why me, huh? Why me?”
But it gave me a fantastic idea.
Ask anyone that works in a store that plays Musak, employees hate it. Especially if it is the same songs over and over again. Modern musak is not just a hit song performed by a small section of classic instruments anymore. Now places have all these promos and junk that just drive you batshit insane and makes you wish the zombies would break through and end it all. It took us about three days to disconnect the satellite system that broadcasts the Musak. We thought about keeping it up to see if they would do any broadcasts but that was a no go.
For a few days, we just ran silent. But a grocery store is a pretty big place and when the power goes down, it gets a lot quieter than you would think. So I had this idea. Kim is a really big music fan and she has the best iPod I have ever seen. So using the USB cord from my aircard, we cannibalized (pun intended) every iPod, iPhone, MP3 player and music storage device we could find. Thanks to the video department, DSD, and the employee training centers, we have quite a few computers in this place.
So we set up one computer and freed up all the memory we could and transferred every available song to that hard drive. The store is set up with an intercom network. So we grabbed a phone, dinged the trigger that activates the intercom and wedged a folded segment of paper in it to keep the trigger depressed. Placing the receiver next to the computer speakers, we now broadcast music that we actually like to listen to over the speakers.
Kim went through and set up all kinds of playlists. She selected all the mellow songs and set them to play at night while we are sleeping. The thing with MP3 and the mix of people and all their different music tastes, we have a pretty eclectic mix of music. And then when Kim puts her playlists on shuffle, it becomes even more awesome.
It is not very often that you get to hear Lady Gaga followed by Hank Williams Jr. followed by Eminem followed by Michael Buble. Still, the music really helps people. We keep it at a low enough level so as not to attract the zombies but not so low that you have to strain to hear it. Surprisingly, spirits have really lifted since we brought this plan on board.
And now we can afford to sleep without earplugs. The zombies are more active at night and they let out these moans that seem to slice through the air. It happens at random intervals but sometimes I swear they use them as some sort of call to one another. They are like wolves howling in the night and if one lets out an odd scream, they are all going to. The music has helped drown them out quite a bit. It at least makes the nights more manageable.
